“Courage
is what it takes to stand up and speak; it’s also what it takes to sit down and
listen.”
Winston
Churchill
Massively inspired by our Founder’s experience as well as research on the data and statistics related to rape and sexual abuse Survivors reporting their experiences to the Police, Shake My Hand have created our first hashtag movement, it is titled: #tellthemsooner! And here’s everything you didn’t realise that you need to know about it…
Our
Founder, Aimee Wilson has said that when she was being abused at the age of 15
to 16, she felt that she had one million and one reasons why she couldn’t tell
anyone what was happening to her. On this list – second to her abuser’s threats
and manipulation – was the worry that she wouldn’t be believed by the Police. This belief was mostly powered by the fact
that, back then (2006 – 2007) on the rare occasion when abuse was discussed in
the media, it was to either rip the Survivor to shreds in saying that they
somehow deserved it and had brought it upon themselves, or to publicise that
the Police and Courts hadn’t believed a Survivor’s report. But, despite all her
reasons not to report it, Aimee wanted people to know and so, in a desperate
bid to show people (because she couldn’t tell them)
what was happening to her, she changed her attitude and behaviour at School,
restricted her diet, and basically began exhibiting almost all of the tell-tale
signs that a child is being abused (you can find a list of these on the following
link for the website of the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to
Children: Spotting
the signs of child abuse | NSPCC).
Unfortunately,
being a teenager at the time meant that her Teachers and other people in her
life at that time, labelled a lot of these changes – particularly those in her
behaviour and attitude at High School – as typical teenager rebellion. And when
Aimee and her abuse would argue and be rude to each other in public, it was seemingly
dismissed as one of those instances where two people just really don’t get on
and ‘clash’ a lot. It was upon her abuser’s employer witnessing an argument and
shouting at Aimee for it which proved to be the last straw for Aimee, and she
finally blurted the entire traumatic experience out. Aimee explained that she felt
an immediate sense of relief and freedom from the burden that had led to her having
to tell so many lies to maintain the secret; but this was short-lived and was quickly
spoiled when the employer labelled Aimee a manipulative liar and told her to
leave the building and to never return!
Understandably,
as a result of that response (which effectively ended the abuse), Aimee was
deterred from speaking up again and for the following two years, she maintained
her silence and wordlessly and desperately searched for ways to cope with the
memories and all of the thoughts and feelings that she’d been left with. As a
result of this, in 2009, Aimee made her first suicide attempt and the
Psychiatrist explained that due to no one knowing why Aimee had done this, the
decision was made to immediately section her under the 1983 Mental Health Act.
After a week in a psychiatric hospital, Aimee was discharged and within a
month, she was re-admitted and one evening she found herself talking to another
inpatient in the courtyard. The inpatient was a lot older (Aimee was only 18)
and the lady explained that she had been abused when she was younger and that
because of it, she had been in and out of hospitals for over a decade. Aimee
saw this as a bit of a kick up the bum because she knew that she didn’t want
her life to go that way too and so she finally told the Ward Manager who
instantly called the Police.
One
of the first questions the Police asked Aimee was “why didn’t you tell us
sooner?”
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Thankfully,
Aimee had the courage and confidence to ask the Police why they would ask her
such a question because now we – Shake My Hand – can say that we have at least
one idea of the Police’s motivation for asking this of abuse and rape Survivors
and knowing that, and having that information and insight, means we can begin
to tackle it from a knowledgeable vantage point!
The
answer of Aimee’s local Police force was; “because if we decide to put the case
to CPS (Crown Prosecution Service) that’s
the first thing they’ll ask us, and if we already have an answer for them for something
like that, then it looks better.” They then explained that the fundamental reason
why CPS would ask was because it’s well known that if you report abuse and rape
as soon as possible, the Police are able to initiate physical examinations to
be completed and these can secure evidence that the rapist or abuser being
accused is guilty and also, simply, to validate that the reported incident did
actually even happen.
We
think that this is reminiscent of the instance of claiming state benefits in
the UK in that because of those who manipulate the system and lie about their
health, those who are genuinely in need and eligible to be entitled to state
benefits; have to jump through hoops. Hoops which can be really upsetting and even
physically difficult. In comparison, due to so many people using false
allegations of rape and abuse as some sort of revenge or comeback with
ex-partners, love interests or just plain enemies; those who have genuinely
experienced and survived these traumatic crimes, now have to go through hugely
emotional and essentially, debilitating and triggering processes and procedures
to prove it. And of course, it’s a very serious ‘allegation’ to make because it
can lead to a whole range of consequences that go beyond a jail sentence or
financial compensation; but to be the person who has put all their effort into
blocking out what was happening to them, and to then have to relive it all in
order to get justice? Well, it feels distinctly unfair, unjust, and it can very
easily feel as though the justice system gravitates towards and prioritises the
rights of the accused rather than the innocent and potentially traumatised ‘victim.’
Fortunately,
Aimee appreciated what the Police meant, and she said that she thinks that this
was because she was so focused on them arresting her abuser and him finally receiving
some consequences that – no matter how she felt about it – she would have
answered any question thrown at her! And she went on to explain that there were
actually more questions asked of her whilst giving her statement and video
interview that were difficult, but she had set her goal on doing all that she
could to help give the Police a case against her abuser/rapist and this motivated
her to power through all of them!
The
one good thing Aimee and the Shake My Hand team thought of that might be a ‘pro’
to the Police asking this question of rape and abuse survivors, was that it could
inspire a productive and positive reflection for that person. Even if the
survivor already knows their answer, it can influence them to consider the real
nuances of their decision to have not reported their trauma earlier in the
aftermath and this might prove helpful in their processing and closure of their
experience. It can actually be really beneficial – to most people at least – to
understand why something has happened or is happening because, by considering
the method and reasoning behind something, it can provide the opportunity to come
to terms with accepting that it has occurred. In rape and abuse, it can be
extremely understandable and sometimes almost automatic for a survivor to find
themselves overwhelmed by thoughts and feelings that are often actually contradicting
one another, so being encouraged or inspired to process these in a way that can
help you sort through them and develop a sense of calm or control.
A
danger, however, in this question inspiring survivors to think things through,
is that it could lead the person to feeling and reflecting that they actually
didn’t have very ‘good’ reasons for taking so long to report their rape or
abuse. Often in life – even generally – you can make a decision, and, in that
moment, you feel totally convinced and certain that it’s the right thing to do
but upon looking back you question and doubt all the thoughts and feelings and
opinions you had back then. It’s almost as though you’re invalidating yourself.
In an instance like this, we’d recommend voicing everything to someone else who
can help you to rationalise everything in your head and really encourage you to
weigh everything up in a way which is reasonable, sensible, and honest. If you
aren’t comfortable confiding in someone else, this is something which you could
actually also do by writing and creating lists of pros and cons for everything.
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From
the beginning of Shake My Hand in June 2024 (we can’t believe we’re already
three months in!) we’ve dedicated the Campaign to helping and supporting survivors
of rape and sexual abuse to report their experiences. Aside from our Founder’s own
personal experience in doing this, our cause was also massively inspired by the
data and statistics recorded by Rape Crisis England and Wales (you can read
them on their website here).
The ones which we have found the most influential for our work and cause are in
the graphics below…
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In
addition to all that we already do for our cause (which you can read about on
the Our
Services page on our website) – which are also all fitting for the
#tellthemsooner movement – we will be putting a huge amount of extra time and effort
into networking with various Police forces across the UK. Our Founder has
actually previously worked with her local Police force; Northumbria Police a number
of times to contribute to mental health training for their new recruits a few
years ago so having already established a relevant contact, initiating this
networking might be relatively straight-forward. In addition to that force, we’ll
also be connecting and contacting other UK Police forces through social media
and via the Press or Media contact information page on their websites.
The
goal in making these connections will be to encourage the forces to share our
social media accounts, the work we do, the services we offer, and obviously the
#tellthemsooner movement in particular. We’re hopeful that in doing so, survivors
will see that their local Police are empathetic and have a good understanding
of what the survivor needs in speaking to them and helping and supporting them
to make a report. In having this recognition and realisation, we hope that
survivors will therefore be encouraged, influenced, and inspired to report instances
of rape and abuse at a much earlier than time and if this happens, then perhaps
the chance of perpetrators being successfully prosecuted and given consequences
will be a lot more likely. Also, if survivors are coming forward at a time when
there’s more likely physical evidence, perhaps the time it takes for cases to
go through court (two years) will decrease and the whole process will then be a
lot ‘easier’ for the survivor to go through so that it isn’t seen as
re-traumatising.
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1. The knowledge that they’ve done
all that they can to protect others and prevent these things from happening to
someone else.
2. A sense of closure that you’ve
reported it so it’s no longer a secret; the truth is out and you no longer have
to hide it or tell lies to anyone.
3. It is evidence and an example of
your bravery in having the courage required to talk through all the details
because you know it’s the right thing to do.
4. You can receive help and support
from professionals to cope with the thoughts and feelings you might now be
experiencing or struggling with.
5. The opportunity of knowledge and input from specialist Police Officers with experience in working with and helping survivors of crimes of this nature.